Every conscious healer knows about holding space for others. It’s what we do while we are giving someone a healing.
Whether that someone is a human or an animal, it’s a safer more effective healing we give when we hold space.
Holding space consciously while we do our work is important.
The healing you give could be a conversation, psychic reading, teaching a class, speaking up at a meeting, talking to a customer, or listening to a friend who’s going through some challenges. The space you hold could be for a parent, student, peer, client, or a stranger you just said hello to for the first time.
Consciously holding space means you are aware that you’re holding space for another, and you are in agreement with doing so.
You are not controlling the other person, or the outcome of the situation.
You’re not in resistance to the energy or needs of the other person or situation. You can be giving as well as gracious. You allow the other person to be wherever she or he is right now. You can listen without needing to fix or heal or take over the conversation.
This is sometimes much more difficult to act upon than it seems. Imagine a friend has just experienced a significant loss in her life. Do you have the ability to be her witness, to listen and be, and to allow her the space to grieve, without climbing into her space to solve? That’s holding space without making it about your discomfort, or need to fix the problem.
The most magical transformations can happen when you consciously hold space for someone else to communicate, complain, learn, hurt, heal, or simply be.
Holding space doesn’t mean you have to match to the energy of the other person, or sponge up their pain. You can also hold space for yourself to be who and how you are. You can have your own space while you’re holding space.
You can let go of holding space anytime you choose.
This is deep emotional work.
Unconsciously holding space means that, without intending to do so, you find yourself holding the energy for others, and it’s not validating or a good experience for you.
You’ll know you are doing this because you’re the one always waiting for or cleaning up after others, or being left to fix whatever messes they leave.
If you are doing this for your underage children, that’s one thing. It’s part of the deal, and you as the parent have the opportunity to teach them how to become responsible for their own emotions, energy, and actions. Please teach them.
If, on the other hand, you’re holding space for able bodied grown-ups who won’t take responsibility for themselves, and who invalidate you while also blaming you for their bad behavior, you are doing so unconsciously.
This is your call to wake up and learn about your true value, and why you allow others to treat you this way.
If you consistently create situations in which you’re the person doing for others, holding space for their bad behavior, and feeling martyred because no one does this for you, you’re in the perfect time and place in your life to change your opinion of yourself.
You can consciously hold space for yourself to change.
One way to do this is the repeated use of the word ‘no’.
Especially if, out of guilt, or a desire to fix, heal, or please, you say “yes” when you really want to say “no”, start with a no. Or start with silence, and listen to your body’s response. Your intuition can guide you truly to whether yes or no is best, but you have to learn to listen to it.
If you repeatedly get stuck holding uncomfortable energy, cleaning up messes while everyone around you has fun, and then feeling martyred and slighted about the whole thing, it’s time to reexamine your own inner emotional motives for unconsciously holding space for others when you truthfully don’t want to do so.
Start with truth: your own.
When you decide you’re done attracting people who use your energy for themselves and never give back, everything changes. When you change your internal dialogue to one of self love, self acceptance, and self care, that is who shows up in your life.
Consciously hold space for yourself.