If you want it to be real for you, you’ve got to find your validation from within yourself.
Validation is a spiritual vibration that affects you on every level, but especially in your emotions. You can feel validation from within.
Validation is not an intellectual energy. You can be validated for your intellect, but unless you are allowed to have the validation for yourself, you may try to prove your worth to others. This often turns into a never ending cycle of needing to ‘prove’ you have worth in order to have it.
Validation from within requires no proof.
You don’t even have to do anything right. You can be a total failure at something and still have validation. You’re not required to be perfect in order to have validation. You can decide that, no matter the outcome, you will love and value yourself. This is validation from within.
This one isn’t up to others.
Other people can choose to validate you, and it’s surprising to see how many more of them will once you’ve validated yourself. You shine from within with the knowledge that you belong here, and you have worth. This is a spiritual knowing, and it translates to the vibration you carry daily.
Validated people are fun to be around, which means more people want to show up for you when you’re validated.
Invalidation isn’t your true energy.
People who are running at a constant level of invalidation are often sitting in pain of one kind or other, and many of us have been there. This doesn’t make anyone wrong, and it doesn’t mean anyone of us deserves to feel bad about ourselves or our existence. If someone has been raised by emotionally distant or selfish people, or in a rigid harsh environment that didn’t allow them the freedom to be themselves, they may understandably not know that they have value for simply being.
Sometimes people who are running at the energy of invalidation decide they are going to fail, or things will fall apart, or it’s Not Worth It because it won’t work anyway. This energy that isn’t theirs to begin with often controls what they are able to have and create. They look for the validation to come from outside so they can heal, but it always starts within.
Other unconsciously invalidated people are punishing, and get very angry when you succeed, challenge their authority, or don’t put up with their abuse. These people strive to have power over others, and because they have no control over themselves, they try to control everyone else.
People who are invalidated at a deep level and also have power over others can be damaging to deal with. Some of those who are running at the speed of unconscious invalidation may have an issue with you deciding to validate yourself. Narcissists are not validated people, they are controlled by invalidation that is so deep within them that they may never see it. They would argue that in fact they are doing just fine and everyone else has the problem.
This is where the alarm bells should be going off for you, if you know one of these people.
The economic system we currently have set up the game of haves and have-nots, and those who have not aren’t supposed to be validated. This is why so many people, against their own better interests, follow the money, rather than listen to a deeper level of truth.
Self validation changes the whole game. It means you can easily validate others without feeling threatened by their successes, and it also means you can move more gracefully through times when things aren’t quite working the way you want them to.
How do you deal with unconscious invalidation?
If you are sitting in a level of invalidation about you, it’s a lie in your space. Somewhere along the way you decided you didn’t deserve validation for being who and how you are, and you’ve been waiting for someone or something to prove your worth to you.
Except it never works. Nobody can prove this to you, and in fact, you may not be able to hear compliments that come your way if you have already decided you aren’t all that great.
Know yourself to validate yourself. Finding your own validation demands that you do your work, your spiritual and emotional work. When you blame others for your woes, you’re not doing your work. Yes, someone may have hurt you terribly, and you get to decide to heal anyway. If you leave it up to them and give them power over you, healing won’t happen.
If you play the victim, and decide to blame others for your failures or just for the fact that you are (unconsciously) invalidated about yourself, nothing changes. You have the power to create a deep wave of change within yourself, just by deciding to show up for you, do this work, and heal.
Learn to be validated by being authentically yourself.
Where are you validated in your life? What feels good to you, from within? What do you really want?
The path to validation can be as simple as listening to your spirit’s truth, and choosing to be yourself, whether others approve of you or not. You will never be validated for trying to be someone else, not for long, anyway. If you choose to be you, to learn who you are and be that, you’re on your path.
“Opinions of you will change, but your opinion of yourself does not have to be based on what other people say. So I just learned that my inner voice has to be louder than their outside voice.” -Jennifer Love Hewitt