Have you ever wondered why some people get angry when you change?
I first became aware of my spiritual agreements with others years ago, after I made changes in my life that I thought were good for me. In my enthusiasm, I thought my friends would think so too, and would be happy for me. I was growing, and proud of myself for doing so, plus the choices I was making had taken me some deep work to get to.
So I was shocked and surprised to find that a couple of them didn’t like my new ways of being. They were actually offended, as if my personal choices were a slight to them.
I found this truly weird, and I wondered: whatever has gotten into so-and-so anyway? Why am I suddenly being punished for making my life better for me? Why is my friend taking my personal choices, um, so personally?! It’s not about her/him anyway, this is my life! What spiritual agreements did I make here?
The lesson here is that it’s not personal when someone gets angry because you have changed. They may have to change now too, and perhaps they don’t want to. You may have been keeping this person grounded by being there for her. You change, and suddenly your friend feels the ground slipping out from beneath her feet.
You may have unwittingly become responsible for your friend in some way. You may have spiritual agreements with a whole group of friends to match at a certain level.
You pull out of this spiritual agreement by changing yourself, and the whole group notices. You are upsetting the apple cart. It’s not a problem, but the resistance you handle as a result is because you are, perhaps innocently, destroying an old way of being that everyone was in agreement with. Destruction isn’t a bad thing here, and the old agreement could have been stunting your growth. Remember that if you are agreeing to be like a lot of others, you may not get to shine and be yourself.
I’ve given a lot of readings to people who are tired of being the back up band. They are sick of being the support crew, keeping everything together for others. They may have stayed in that position for far longer than they wanted to, in fear of angering or hurting anyone else. It is often when they can no longer handle the stress, or when their bodies force them to make the change, that they are able to step away from the old spiritual agreements. Some of them are even willing to let go of that old devil, guilt: the gift that keeps on giving!
This is where honesty comes into play. Your honesty, with yourself.
What is it you truly want to do and be? Do you use someone else’s problems and feelings as your excuse to not do your thing? When you create something and a friend throws a hissy, can you still do the thing you set out to do? If you decide to drop an old way of being, is there a demand that you explain yourself to everyone? Can you let it go, and be true to you?
You may have a desire during these times of great inner change to step away from everyone else and have your own space.
This is a positive in many ways, though you do not have to be isolated to do so. It is useful to learn tools that can help you with all of this: grounding, releasing other energies, and bringing your own energy back. Having time by yourself to meditate can help you find your answers about who you are and where you are going. Forgiveness can help you release everyone else’s resistance and problems about what it is you choose to do.
Ultimately, what you decide to do with your life is your business. Why not have it be a fun business for you?